Ginevra

(A Monologue)

 

(An old woman with a cane stands in the middle of the cafeteria, proclaiming her grief to everyone and no one)

 

My dear bunny, my daughter called and said she had fallen in love. The slut. This, of course, happens once a week on the average. Ah ‘member those Talbot boys livin’ in the trees in the Everglades . Alligator eyes on both sides of me, never blinkin’. Me, a skinny morsel. But those boys tender, soft-boned and muscular.

            Oh my Ginevra, you never listened to me. I worked all ma life, Ginevra. I told you about the troubles of my family but I rose above them all. I raised you raht, Ginevra, but you never listened to me. Now look at you. Yer not as pretty as you think. Yer daddy never really knew you. Jess brought you that damn doll, Ginevra. You called her Teddy Anne. Why, Ginevra? Where did you git that name? Where? We loved you, Ginevra. We took care of all yer needs. ‘Member the red dress, Ginevra? The one with the ruffles and the white borders on the puff sleeves? You looked like a princess, Ginevra. You looked like royalty. Then you ate that choc’late puddin’ an you looked lahk you’d gone through the windshield in the old Ford. All over that new dress. Never got the stains out, Ginevra. Never. Permanent. Like the stain on my heart where you had been livin’.

            Now time is a dark star in my heart where you once lived—the princess of my heart, Ginevra. The goddamn princess of my damn heart.  And now you called the gover’mint and had them bring me to this stinkin’ urine assisted livin’ prison for elders, for the toothless. Damn you, Ginevra! Too much in yer own sinful life. Selfish. I never raised you to be selfish, Ginevra. Ah raised you raht. Why did you lock me in this wrinkle prison, Ginevra? Ah don’t know these people. They ain’t family, Ginevra. They serve us slop, steamin’ slop like we used to feed the hogs, Ginevra. Are you happy now? You got yer damn mother in an ol’ folks jail bein’ slopped by strangers and locked in her room at night. When I won’t touch those poison pills, they inject me with somethin’ that makes me forget who I am. But ah ‘member you, Ginevra. I ‘member you lookin’ up at me, sucklin’ my breast. Blue baby eyes, yer fat baby paw restin’ on my big, swollen breast. Who da know, Ginevra? Who da know you would turn out to be wild and selfish, fallin’ in love with that electrician? How you feelin’ now, Ginevra? Feel good about yer mama? Might as well live in the trees like those Boswell boys. Just live in the trees with alligator eyes on both sides. And swamp snakes, Ginevra. Water moccasins.

            When I’m dead you’ll be full sorry, Ginevra. You’ll cry big, wet alligator tears till your blouse is soaked an your titties are there for all to see. You’ll be happy for that and deep sad that I’m gone. That the one who loved you most is gone forever, Ginevra.

            Eat yer breakfast. You just want to go to bed with that electrician instead of eatin’ yer breakfast, Ginevra. Pour the milk on the cornflakes, Ginevra, and start chewin’. You’ll feel more a person, more in control. I was jess lahk you, Ginevra. Don’t ya see? I was jess lahk you an I love you so much, my honey babe. I don’ want you to fall into the pit I got mahself into, my darlin’. No alligator eyes for you, my princess, my heart. O, Ginevra! Call me. Please call me. I am lonely in this godforsaken ol’ folks Auschwitz . Call me, my bunny. My Ginevra.

 

Abbie Conant

August 2009

Taos , NM

 

Note: As remembered from real life in the breakfast room of the La Quinta Airport Motel on Yale Ave. in Albuquerque , NM .